Critical issues need to be addressed immediately.

[The Ex] [last name] <[the ex email]@[email].com> 

Mon, Aug 10, 2009 at 10:12 PM 

To:   The [last name] [last name]s <[Custodial Dad’s home email]@[email].com> 

     

Dear [spelled incorrectly Step Mother] and [Custodial Dad],

      You have declined my invitation ot webcam  wih me as parents on the issue of [daughter] crying so painfully on web cam to come home.

      Shops talking immediartely after te”call drops.”

      [Custodial Dad]tpher physicaly removed  [daughter] from the computer.

      Why? 

      How are you managing [daughter]?

From: The [last name] [last name]s <[Custodial Dad’s home email]@[email].com>

To:   [The Ex] [last name] <[the ex email]@[email].com>

Cc:   [Custodial dad email]@[email].com

Sent: Monday, August 10, 2009 12:26:15 AM

Subject:    Re: [daughter]’s Return to [home state] for August

Hi [The Ex]:

I sat down with both [daughter] and [Custodial Dad] and I also had time to think.  I wanted to address this evenings fiasco.

I think where [Custodial Dad] and myself became frustrated is because you had [daughter] go to her room to secretly tell her to pack her things because her Grandmother was coming for her this evening.  That is wrong on many levels.  Despite the past history and orders, you are no longer [daughter]’s sole guardian.  You and [Custodial Dad] are BOTH parents to [daughter].  A child should never be in the midst of adults attempting to hash out a situation.  Your attempt to alter the schedule should have been discussed between you and [Custodial Dad] prior to involving [daughter].  In addition, there needed to be a discussion minus threats and accusations without demands. 

I think it was unreasonable to demand we deliver [daughter] to her Grandmother practically immediately.  All children, including [daughter] need transition.  What you did was not only unfair but cruel to [daughter].  I am sure that wasn’t your intention but [daughter] was hurt by your actions.  She and I had a long talk about the evening and she felt like she had to choose between her Grandmother and her father.  I think if broached with ample time and true discussion, this decision could have been worked out to everyone’s satisfaction without involving [Custodial Dad’s other state lawyer] and [Ex’s second other state lawyer], yet again.

As I stated to you, your mother has had the privilege of being in [daughter]’s life for the five years you made [daughter] ‘unavailable’ to [Custodial Dad] and her family.  That being here nor there, you requested she spend additional time here for whatever your motivation was.  We agreed to the time table you provided and we altered work schedule, appointments and our lives to accommodate [daughter] despite the ever changing and evolving schedule.  Just to note, you changed the timing seven times between the 26th through the 31st.  I appreciate your mothers predicament however, you do not appreciate ours.

I think your attorney can best explain this to you... you should never put [daughter] in a position to decide where she wants to go or with whom.  Those decisions are best left up to the parents and in many custody orders, it is actually stated that parents are NOT to involve children in decision making process, especially a fragile 7 year old who is really torn right now.

I hope you have a safe flight if you are indeed flying up to give [daughter] a hug tomorrow.

[Step Mother]

On Fri, Jul 31, 2009 at 1:52 AM, [The Ex] [last name] <[the ex email]@[email].com> wrote:

Greetings, Momma [spelled incorrectly Step Mother] and Dad.

Thanks for taking the time to speak with me in the past week to make these arrangements.  [daughter] looks forward to your time together:) 

I am glad to see that we can make the kids happy.

[spelled incorrectly Step Mother], I will see you whenever you can get here around noon.  I think you will enjoy the practicality of the clubhouse, etc. after such a long ride with the kids.  Thanks for considering.

Thanks to both of you for doing pick-up and drop-off.

My Mom will be here for [daughter]’s return.  By noon on August 12th is fine...or ten AM may be on the paperwork. 

We can talk on the 11th and see what is going ot work for drop-off time around late AM to noon.

Address:

[third state address] Street

[town in third state], [THIRD STATE] [zip]

(Within gated community of [community] of [town in third state] off of Rt XXX)

We will call you into the gate.

Must show ID to guards.

Make left immediately after entry... think it is [street in third state]t. 

Welcome to call my phone when you are close or in development.

Pull up at end in front of clubhouse where you see tennis courts.   Or, you can park- as you see fit.

[daughter] and I will be happy to stand outside and help unload the little ones. :)

We will be inside awaiting your arrival at pool ajoining clubhouse- external entry is left gate by courts.  

Welcome to stay as long as your schedule allows.

Warmest Regards,

[The Ex] [last name]

[XXX]. [xxx]. 4244

[Custodial Dad] and [Step Mother] [last name] <[Custodial Dad’s home email]@[email].com>  Mon, Aug 10, 2009 at 11:22 PM 

To:   [The Ex] [last name] <[the ex email]@[email].com>, [Custodial Dad] [last name] <[Custodial dad email]@[email].com> 

[The Ex];

[daughter] was up here talking with me as I stated to you on the telephone.

[daughter] is homesick which is a natural part of this transition.

[daughter] was crying because YOU wanted to come to visit her and she misses you. 

She is torn between leaving and is unsure if you will let her come back again.

We talked about how it was inappropriate for you to change the schedule and why children are not allowed to make decisions like that.

We talked about telling people the truth vs what she thinks people want to hear.

We talked about how its okay and normal to miss you and [other state].

SHE explained the difference between a sleep over and her visit here. The difference between being at a friends house vs being home with her family.

She said she wishes that you never moved so far away and she understands transition and allowing us all a chance to say goodbye.

You are making this hard on [daughter] by bringing up things that are not viable options. Telling her that you will come and play with her in her room is not reality.

She is brushed her teeth and her father tucked her in.  No tears, no crying.  Outside of the outburst, she was done sobbing by the time they reached my bedroom.

We all will discuss this as a family again in the am.

I will be reviewing the recorded [webcam software] session and will be forwarding it to [Custodial Dad’s other state lawyer], [Ex’s second other state lawyer] and whomever the lawyers sees fit to share it with.  I don’t think this went as well as you planned...

[Step Mother]

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