[The Ex] [last name] <[the ex email]@[email].com>
Mon, Oct 27, 2008 at 6:47 PM
To:[Custodial Dad] [last name] <[Custodial dad email]@[email].com>
[Custodial Dad],
1. Please see my responses below in this color.
2. Additionally, I am agreeable to a 90 day period of agreement from this upcoming Mediation session.
3. I will be eligible for work after graduation, with a licensure in the Summer of 2009. I hope you will work with mediation throughout the next months. I would rather save our resources for opportunities for [daughter]’s “family-time” and not go into debt for legal battles.
4. Can we agree to utilize the Mediation Sessions for the next yearr to help us achieve a successful situation?
Let me know.
Please, see highlighted responses below.
Kindly,
[The Ex] [last name]
([XXX]) [XXX]-4665
From: [Custodial Dad] [last name] <[Custodial dad email]@[email].com>
To: [The Ex] [last name] <[the ex email]@[email].com>
Sent: Monday, October 27, 2008 9:44:39 AM
Subject: Re: Partial Mediation Proposal
[The Ex],
As I have stated for months, Sunday AM [webcam software] is not a good time frame for me and the kids; it is also not good for [daughter] either as she was typically sleeping or “running out.” Further, I think it best if we defer on the schedule of contact to Ms. [therapist in other state]?
[The Ex] responded: Yes, deferring schedule and contact set-up to [therapist in other state] is fine. However [webcam software] this weekend at 7:30pm Sunday is Ok with us here.
While I appreciate your enthusiasms, I have to tell you quite frankly that this Holiday schedule is not going to work. I still do not know where [daughter] lives because you are “fearful of your life” and now you are making ridiculous allegations CURRENTLY that I in some way-was-abusing our daughter and now you want to spend Holidays in my home?! You have to recognize the unorthodox nature of your request while looking at the current situation and YOUR role of where we are.
[The Ex] responded:
[Custodial Dad], it repeatedly seems that we will not agree on the events and issues (mine and yours) which have brought us to this point. We do not have to agree on the past. But we have to respect our daughter as we make decisions.
What my appear as inconsistent in my suggestions is seen without glasses that recognize that I am doing all I possibly can to create a future of peace and a warm relationship between [daughter] and her siblings,you and [spelled incorrectly Step Mother]. There are families with tumultuous histories that are successful at seeing long term goals and making the best of what is at hand.
In order to find solutions, I am making a decision to trust that all involved have the best intentions and will treat each other with respect and be friendly in an effort to create the best future for the children to get to be together. I am hoping that we will all work with Ms. [therapist in other state]; this is inclusive of [spelled incorrectly Step Mother], you, [daughter] and me.
As you stated, it is a 90 day period on which we will agree. That is a good start. I have spent much time considering and researching transitional solutions. I think we can have a great holiday season this first time. My goal at this time is to do what I can to at least meet at a “starting point.” You want holiday time with [daughter] and her family. I want her to have a chance to bond, also. Please, look past the “ex-wife” view of me and consider me an accompaning parent to [daughter].
The options for holiday get-together events are numerous. Let’s find a few and look at airfares before the rates become very high. I have provided you the days/dates already in mediation and I have them here in my organizer.
A relationship between [daughter] and I quite frankly does not and will not include you. I am unsure how to make that point more clear. Visitation will not include you shadowing me or my family, nor will it include you on the visit. That is just not how this works in these situations. I have tried to tell you this in a multitude of ways—with pretty sound reasoning; you are not welcomed in my home. My family does not need the stress of a stranger sitting in the corner “reading a book” nor do we need anymore allegations you may or may not throw-out there. My children will not have any relationship with you beyond knowing of you as [daughter]’s “Mom.” These wonderful co-parenting ideals are ONLY for [daughter] as you are NOT my and [Step Mother]’s children’s step-mother (“other Mom”) as you keep insinuating. I can not speak for the rest of my family, but I do believe the sentiment is echoed in regards to “sharing holidays.” (i.e. Ed and [custodial dad’s family], [custodial dad’s family] etc)
[The Ex] responded: Please, let me clarify: I have no intention of imposing myself as a parent to [daughter]’s siblings. However, I do have hope that as [daughter]’s family, we can all be amicable and come up with creative solutions for the children and parents to share holiday time, without the standard “every other year” situations with which the majority of children in divorced families are forced to comply.
My offers:
Ms. [therapist in other state] as Custody Evaluator and us following the case plan she develops.
[The Ex] responded:
I agree to have Ms. [therapist in other state]’s help. I understood her role was presented in mediation last week as a kind of Parenting Facilatator. i agree to work with her to determine good short and long term actions and plans. I’m sure her role can be determined later as she assesses [daughter]’s needs as part of a families in transitions.
Psychological Evaluations for both you and I. and as discussed, when I pass my exam there will then be no stipulation for Supervised Visitation.
[The Ex] responded:
As stated in mediation, I am agreeable to any evaluations of home, [daughter] and of myself. I understood at mediation that you also agreed to be evaluated by a psychologist.
[webcam software] on Sundays in the EVENINGS.
[The Ex] responded:
That is fine- Sunday [webcam software] evenings with [daughter] and Dad. Set. Begin this Sunday, November 2nd. You mentioned 7:30 PM- that is fine with us here.
Calls at [daughter]’s discretion and allowing for her to use her cell phone. (Following Ms. [therapist in other state]s suggestions of course.)
[The Ex] responded:
[daughter] is aware, offered and reminded to call you as she wishes to speak with you. We will continue that understanding. I think it is great and when she has called you it was by my suggestion to share a fun event, etc. Her refusal other times is NOT her personal affront to you, I’m sure.
thanksgiving: [daughter] to spend her time in her [home state] home with her siblings and I. How we choose to go about this should be decided by Ms. [therapist in other state].
[The Ex] responded:
I agree to use Ms. [therapist in other state]. thanksgiving is three weeks or so away.
Please let me know how you suggest we go about your request. I need to book flights ASAP.
christmas: Again another visit and the specifics to be decided upon by Ms. [therapist in other state].
[The Ex] responded: I agree to use Ms. [therapist in other state]. Please let me know how you suggest we go about your request.
To be clear, I am happy to temporarily pay for all of [daughter]’s travel expenses. We will revisit the breakdown again later.
[The Ex] responded: Happy to revisit any points later or as your situation changes - at any time. The point is to be able to get [daughter] together with all of you. We can make it work.
Let’s talk dates, places and airlines next time. The future can be bright and workable.
[Custodial Dad]
On Mon, Oct 27, 2008 at 5:29 AM, [The Ex] [last name] <[the ex email]@[email].com> wrote:
Hi, [Custodial Dad].
1.[daughter] will [webcam software] on Sundays in AM. She will call on Saturdays in AM. This is per your talk with her on visitation last week.
2.Proposal follows for next 90 days, as per your suggestion, to be revisited in mediation without attorneys to cut costs to our [last name] family.
Note: Exact dates to be verified after airline check and my clinical training program.
2a. [daughter] and I will visit this thanksgiving for the Wednesday and Thursday. Lunch and Dinner Wednesday, as will hoipe ot arrive in AM and Berakfast and Holiday lunch on Thursday with [spelled incorrectly Step Mother] and kids. If those days are not available to us, we can plan our own date to Celebrate Thanskgiving to save costs and accomodate schedules. Parental E-mail/ calls to communicate.
2b. christmas to be celebrated the weekend before with our arrival on the Saturday before christmas. All meals and plans for kids to stay together are possible. Will check out best options to make it happen.
2c. New years can be celebrated with all fanfare on the christmas trip as it will be costly to travel so close together to two holidays.
3. THINKING Beyond 90 days: ( to save on fares and consider planning.)
3a. [daughter]’s birthday can be celebrated on the weekend after, as it on a weekday. Birthday cake and favors for our kids great. But no need for presents, hovever you can do what you want with presents for your daughter. We usually do a donation in lieu of presents. This year is the “Pijama & Book” organization for children in shelters- Cheap, well organized and helpful to Namh’s less fortunate peers.
3b. Easter can be on Easter Sunday. Tradition dinner at Uncle [custodial dad’s family]’s is fine or at [custodial dad’s family] and [custodial dad’s family]’s.
This is all I have for now. Must go. Will write later.
God Bless all.
[The Ex] [last name]
From: [Custodial dad email] <[Custodial dad email]@[email].com>
To: [The Ex] <[the ex email]@[email].com>
Sent: Sunday, October 26, 2008 8:37:36 AM
Subject: Re: Your Mediation Proposal
[The Ex]
You claim time constraints Wednesday is right around the corner
X
Please excuse spelling and or grammatical errors
Sent from my iPhone
[Custodial dad email]@[email].com
On Oct 26, 2008, at 6:56 AM, [Custodial dad email] <[Custodial dad email]@[email].com> wrote:
* What do you prpose?
>
* Please excuse spelling and or grammatical errors
* Sent from my iPhone
> [Custodial dad email]@[email].com
--
[Custodial Dad] X [last name]
[XXX]-[xxx]-0185
[Custodial dad email]@[email].com
~ Time is that quality of nature which keeps events from happening all at once. Lately it doesn’t seem to be working.
* Anonymous ~
[Custodial Dad] [last name] <[Custodial dad email]@[email].com>
Mon, Oct 27, 2008 at 9:37 PM
To: [The Ex] [last name] <[the ex email]@[email].com>
Bcc: [Step Mother] <[Step Mother’s email]@[email].com>
[The Ex];
You are the one making demands and your attorney is the one dragging this case out longer and more expensive than need be. If you want to work this out between us, the ball is and has been in your court.
I will start with what we have agreed upon thus far:
Ms. [therapist in other state]: have you and/or [daughter] met with her as yet?
Psychological Evaluation to be completed ASAP, as discussed.
Sundays at 7:30 pm [webcam software].
A 90 day “trial run” is agreed.
So far we have agreed for [daughter] to spend thanksgiving and christmas in her [home state] home. However, we have not agreed on your invitation. [Step Mother] and I discussed this at length and the answer is no. We are clearly not at the point to share holidays and [daughter] should be able to spend one on one time with me and with her brothers and sister. I understand your reluctance to give up a holiday with [daughter] but understand that it has been four YEARS since I have even had more than two hours with my daughter. If your stipulation regarding visitation includes your attendance or Supervised visitation, I will NOT agree to either.
Specifically, I would request [daughter] for December 14th, since you have not agreed to allow her to spend the actual holiday. Your schedule is dictating when I see [daughter] and as I stated preciously, I will be flexible for this holiday.
I agree that in front of [daughter], our exchanges need to be amicable and I believed that we achieved that during the past exchange. However, amicable doesn’t mean that we need to force ourselves and our children in an obviously tense situation. Your under breath comments at the Sushi bar was heard, by the way. Your sentiment is appreciated and there is not a “you vs. me” There is, however a restraining order and the current allegations that I can not fathom. Your actions and your words are worlds apart. There will never be a “big happy family” and once you get past that, we can all move forward.
X
[Quoted text hidden]
[Custodial dad email] <[Custodial dad email]@[email].com>
Tue, Oct 28, 2008 at 8:29 PM
To:[The Ex] <[the ex email]@[email].com>
[The Ex]
Your phone message was not very clear, am I to assume then that we will need to rely on the guidance of the mediator? Since you gave chosen to ignore my email response to you of last night
I pray we will work this out somehow tomorrow
X
Please excuse spelling and or grammatical errors
Sent from my iPhone
[Custodial dad email]@[email].com
[Quoted text hidden]
[Quoted text hidden]
s ~
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