[Custodial Dad] [last name]’s response to [The Ex] [last name]’s Re-stated responses to satisfy [Custodial Dad] [last name]’s questions as he requires to authorize LCSW’s work with [daughter]

[The Ex] [last name] <[the ex email]@[email].com>
Wed, Jul 30, 2008 at 3:14 PM
To: [Custodial Dad] [last name] <[Custodial dad email]@[email].com>
Cc: [Custodial Dad’s home email]@[email].com
Hi, [Custodial Dad].

RE: Parenting IM Communication:

It beg of you to reconsider waking up 20 minutes earlier once a week to IM with me.
I am up at 4AM every day.  I can be available until 5:30AM to IM. 

Please, commit to one day, 20 minutes of IM time.  Less if you want....  more if you want in that window.

It is the only time we both seem to have...
Are you at work at that time?  Are you unable to access IM at that time?
Please, let me know.

RE: Ms. [therapist in other state]’s assistance

The sessions are intended to move us all through this transition which you have requested.

[daughter] and I regularly talk about her siblings and the fact that she has a big brother and two little siblings. 
She embraces the idea of [Step Mother] as their Mom and her Step-Mom and you as her Dad. 
She says that she liked everyone when she met them all. 
No issue is apparent to me of [daughter]’s need for therapy to integrate her understanding of her whole family into her life. 
Many children in her class have blended families. 
It is typical and they discuss it openly- warmly, with each other and in discussion groups in class with peers. 
I encourage her to look for outfits and make little gifts for her [last name] kin.

Given this perspective, to clarify:

I am understanding that you will not authorize Ms. [therapist in other state] to help [daughter] and us all at this time in the capacity to which I have communicated to you.

I understand that you do not acknowledge supervision as neither legally viable nor necessary.

Is my understanding correct, [Custodial Dad]? 

I would like you to verify so I can know what other options to present to you so I may be effective in my efforts to facilitate continuing contact between you and [daughter]. 

We will continue to call as she requests and agrees to the phone/ web sessions. 

Please be prepared for impromptu calls from [daughter].   She understands that you may have to call back or may only be able to talk briefly at times. she has communicated that she is OK with those possibilities.

I wish for the best for your Father-Daughter (DaDa- Baby Girl : ) relationship. 

I continue to reinforce that you love her and that you want to be a part of her life.

I will continue to do my part to keep [daughter] secure in that she is much loved.

Thanks for your cooperation.
Kindly,
[The Ex] [last name]
July 30th, 2008


----- Original Message ----
From: [Custodial Dad] [last name] <[Custodial dad email]@[email].com>
To: [The Ex] [last name] <[the ex email]@[email].com>
Sent: Wednesday, July 30, 2008 2:22:29 PM
Subject: Re: [The Ex] [last name]’s Re-stated responses to satisfy [Custodial Dad] [last name]’s questions as he requires to authorize LCSW’s work with [daughter]

[The Ex];
I will respond here again, but for the record [The Ex], it seems to me that you do NOT read any e-mail I have initiated to you and you must only glance at my responses to your e-mails.
To be clear, AGAIN, I am not available during the daytime, including your early morning window.  Period.  I can not be more clear that there is NO time during the day including morning hours to achieve the IM session that you require.  I think the fact that I stated I was NOT available should have been indicative enough that I am simply UNAVAILABLE except for evening hours (with the exclusion of Thursdays where I am completely unavailable.).  Since I am not yet involved in [daughter]’s life, it is a one-sided update and can be achieved through email, postal mail or the website in which my attorney suggested to yours.  I  have requested a basic material update of [daughter] fairly consistently since 2004 and recently through your attorney,  that you have failed to acknowledge and provide.  This of course has nothing to do with the current questions regarding a therapy session with Ms. [therapist in other state].
I am 100% in support of having a neutral third party intervene where it is obvious you are failing at encouraging the most basic of contact between [daughter] and I.  I am interested in the assessment of [daughter], as I have no idea where emotionally or developmentally our daughter is presently at due to your (non court ordered) present  restrictions.
Let’s be clear, the imposition of phone supervision is YOUR request, not ordered nor condoned by any court of law which is why you will not find a therapist to intervene without my express consent...   The imposition of supervised contact is something that I was “encouraged” to sign based on YOUR attorney and not based on any standard of procedure as I was lead to believe.  The ONLY reason I agreed to supervised contact with [daughter] this past February was due to the fact that it was THREE YEARS in passing in which I saw her last.  In no way am I agreeing to such stipulations going forward with the knowledge that supervised contact between [daughter] and I will soon be a thing of the past.  At this juncture, I am willing to wait and will not subject any of us to such a visit again.  Again, like I stated to Ms. [therapist in other state]: I will NOT agree to supervised contact with [daughter]...  I will agree to assist [daughter] in getting help in transitioning her home life to include myself and her siblings.
To understand your position, you will no longer encourage nor mandate contact with [daughter] unless I agree to restricted access to [daughter]? (sign away my parental rights??!!?)
Going forward, is determined on how you wish to precede. So again, my questions that remain unanswered are:
A. Are you presently supervising phone contact??
B. Is your position, that this therapy session will encourage you to drop YOUR required supervision going forward?  (Based on Ms. [therapist in other state]’s recommendations of course.)
C. What are YOUR current reasons behind such supervision when not expressly agreed upon by anyone but yourself?
D. Where are you lacking in encouraging [daughter] to call (and be polite) when speaking with me directly?
As I have stated you (as has [Step Mother]) in that we are in your shoes with her son yet we are able to encourage contact as his parents.  I would understand if this reluctance was based on the fact that I have only seen her once in four years, but in all of my current dealings with [daughter] contact has been nothing but pleasant.  This apparent change is drastic and sudden and concurrent with the webcam re-scheduling that began July 4th Week.
While you have made certain assertions, my questions have yet to be answered.  I can not be more clear and it seems as though something is getting lost in translation.
[Custodial Dad] 


[The Ex] [last name] <[the ex email]@[email].com>
Thu, Jul 17, 2008 at 3:20 PM
To: [Custodial dad email]@[email].com
Cc: [email]96@[email].com


Hi, [Custodial Dad].
I tried to call you twice this AM, but was unable to reach you.
I would appreciate to know the status of your authorization to have help for [daughter] through Ms. [therapist in other state].

Did you send your authorization as detailed int he e-mail below sent on 7/15/08?

Can you please send me a copy of the documents which you submitted?

I will do the same for you once you are on board.
I would like to move forward with Ms. [therapist in other state]’s guidance and work. 
However, my authorization alone is not sufficient. 

To my best knowledge, the previously attached, signed Service Agreement is needed by Ms. [therapist in other state] to work with us.
----- Forwarded Message ----
From: [The Ex] [last name] <[the ex email]@[email].com>
To: [Custodial Dad] L [last name] <[Custodial dad email]@[email].com>
Cc: [other state therapist] [therapist in other state] <[email]96@[email].com>
Sent: Tuesday, July 15, 2008 11:46:15 AM
Subject: Request for [Custodial Dad] [last name]’s authorization to help [daughter] to move forward with Dad.
Hi, [Custodial Dad],

Below is the message to [other state therapist], LCSW
to whom I’ve requested that you send your authorization for her work with [daughter], you and me
to make progress in [daughter]’s relationship with you.  Additionally, I CC’ed you.

To be efficient, here is her contact info:

[other state therapist] [therapist in other state], ACSW, LCSW P.O. Box 07212, [town in other state], [other  state] [zip]
Phone:  [XXX]-[XXX]-7066
E-mail:  [other state therapist] [therapist in other state] <[email]96@[email].com

The information which Ms. [therapist in other state] needs from you is
1. Your name
2. Your address
3. Phone contact
4.  Signed authorization for her work as a LCSW with [daughter], age 6.
 
It is necessary that you sign your authorization and get it back to her.
Please, provide a means of phone contact to you so she may confirm the validity of your authorization. 

I will take care of getting to her the present custody papers and [daughter]’s birth certificate, if need be.  I will CC you on those submitted documents so you may have them for your reference.

Please, fax a signed copy of an authorization. 
To make the process more feasible on this work day,
I have made the following optional draft for your your use/ edit.

---Start of example draft message from [Custodial Dad] [last name] to R, [therapist in other state], LCSW---

“I [Custodial Dad] X [last name], am the father of [daughter] X [last name], age 6, born on XX, XX, 20XX in [city in third state], nj. 
I reside at [home state address]reet, [home town], [home state], [zip](?zip).
I can be reached via phone at (Please provide all contact phone numbers- work, home, mobile...so she may reach you ASAP.)
I can be contacted through e-mail at (Please provide all e-mail addresses which you will check regularly.)
I hereby give my parental authorization to allow you, Ms. [other state therapist], LCSW, to work with me and my daughter, [daughter] [last name], to assist in the capacity as facilitator to supervise phone/ web cam “father-child “communication. I would like to have your guidance and input as we work to transition into a succcessful relationship for [daughter] and me.

I have read the service agreement and the memorandum of yout contact with [The Ex] [last name] in June 2008. (Documents attached for reference.)
I agree to your terms and I would like to move forward with your assistance ASAP.”
----End of example draft message from [Custodial Dad] [last name] to R, [therapist in other state], LCSW---

* [Custodial Dad]: please attach the exact documents which I have attached here and in my previous e-mail to you today after you have read through them.)

As promised, below  is the message to Ms. [therapist in other state] which I CC’ed you on earlier.
It contains the same attachment which I have made in this message to you.

Thank you for your cooperation in this effort.
I truly hope this professional guidance in a clinical setting will foster
many enjoyable contact opportunities for you and [daughter].

Kindly,
[The Ex]
____________________________________________________
From: [The Ex] [last name] <[the ex email]@[email].com>
To: [other state therapist] [therapist in other state] <[email]96@[email].com>
Cc: [Custodial Dad] L [last name] <[Custodial dad email]@[email].com>
Sent: Tuesday, July 15, 2008 10:42:48 AM
Subject: Steps for Parental Authorization
Ms. [therapist in other state]:

I tried to call you a few minutes ago.  I do not have your fax number. 
[daughter]’s father promises to fax you ASAP, after receivin the required info I send via e-mail.  I will CC you on that. 
By or before Thursday, you should have all documents you need.  I understand to wait until Thursday, at the earliest, for your response.


To summarize:
1.  I understand that you need both parents‘ permission to work with [daughter] [last name], age 6.

2.  I understand that a fax with phone contact with [Custodial Dad] [last name], her father, is necessary to do this work.

3.  I understand that you have the ability to serve as supervisor for phone contact between [daughter] and [Custodial Dad] [last name] at this time.

4.  I would appreciate your help to foster and promote contact with [daughter] and her Dad,
     inclusive of an evaluation of [daughter]’s adjustment issues and increasing resistance to engaging in communication with her father.

5.  Approaching it scientifically, I would like to remove the “Mommy variable” in working to resolve the present contact issue. 
I am hoping that this will allow us to isolate and identify the factors which [daughter] can begin to work through in a recommended therapeutic setting.

6. I would appreciate your guidance for ways in which her father and I can assist [daughter]
and your opinion on age appropriate counseling sessions
to offer [daughter] a “tool kit”
to help her identify and express herself as she moves forward with Dad.

7. I understand all fees must be paid in advance of services and will work to ensure that you are compensated for work with [daughter] prior to scheduled sessions.

Thanks, Ms. [therapist in other state].  I appreciate your follow through and prompt attention to our family’s needs as we work through these transitions.

Kindly Regards,
[The Ex] [last name]
[XXX]. [XXX]. 4665
______________________
----- Forwarded Message ----
From: [The Ex] [last name] <[the ex email]@[email].com>
To: [Custodial dad email]@[email].com; [Custodial Dad’s home email]@[email].com
Sent: Wednesday, July 9, 2008 12:01:10 PM
Subject: Helping [daughter] to move forward with Dad.
Hi, [Custodial Dad].

Since we agree that we need to move forward with [daughter] adjusting to regular contact with you,

what do you think of having a counselor work with [daughter]

to make progress with your calls and web contact?

I have done some research, and this is one of the names I found.

[other state therapist] [therapist in other state], ACSW, LCSW P.O. Box 07212, [town in other state], [other  state] [zip]
Phone:  [XXX]-[XXX]-7066
Please check her out and give me your thoughts.

Best Regards,
[The Ex]


2 attachments

[daughter] [last name], RA, LCSW, SERVICE AGREEMENT.doc
30K


[daughter] [last name],RA, LCSW, MEMORANDUM June 08.doc
29K