[The Ex];
For someone who has spent close to ten years in college you are having trouble understanding my simple words.
You asked me a very specific question and I answered. You asked If I "thought so too." Did you understand my reply? Do you understand that I think you are a liar? Do you understand that I am not sure if you are just so vindictive that you are unwilling to behave in any fashion conducive to raising a little girl in a normal, loving home or that you are mentally ill and are unable to do so?
My motives are clear... I'm sick and tired of your insane behavior. I'm tired of having of having to deal with the repercussions of your inability to behave like a decent human being, let a lone a mother. I'm tired of having to excuse your behavior and be the bigger/better person. I'm tired of jumping through hoops due to your allegations and obsessive behavior. You want to keep lying and say it wasn't me, go right ahead but I'm sick and tired of your BS. I'm tired of your insane, accusatory and provoking emails flooding my inbox only to be met the next day with sickening sweet, "But I don't understand" and "thank you for your consideration."
Do you even care the DAMAGE you, [The Ex], have done to YOUR daughter?
Do you understand the games that you are playing with a little girl are possibly permanently damaging?
Do you understand that your daughter was confused by your statements about her/our family as she sees the truth in our daily lives?
Do you understand [daughter]'s confusion as to why you would want to twist her words?
Do you understand that [daughter] is hurt that you want to hurt our family by removing the children from our custody for no other reason than anger?
Do you understand that encouraging her to lie in order to return to [other state] was wrong?
Do you understand that encouraging her to speak in code is wrong and disturbing?
Do you understand that creating codes to "cover your ass" is disturbing to a little girl who doesn't understand your motives?
Do you understand that encouraging a ([the ex]/[daughter]) vs "the [last name]" as you call us, is wrong?
Do you understand that courts do not arbitrarily switch custody and that it is very not likely your daughter will ever go back and live with you?
Do you understand that the change of custody was based on YOUR behavior and I warned you it was going to happen, as I am sure your many lawyers did as well?
Do you understand that making false allegations is wrong? Do you understand that continuing to make false allegations will probably land you in jail?
Do you understand that making scenes at [daughter]'s school and with her doctors is simply embarrassing to a little girl building relationships with these providers?
Do you understand that [daughter] LOVES her father? Do you understand that withholding contact from [Custodial Dad] was not only wrong but hurtful to [daughter]?
Do you understand that your behavior and your obsession is unhealthy?
Do you understand that even [daughter] sees that your behavior is unhealthy?
Do you understand that no one is out to get you?
Do you understand that I have no want nor desire to replace you?
Do you understand that NO ONE sees your behavior as rational?
Lets be real here for a minute.
We all know [daughter] is well loved and cared for as she tells you daily that she is fine and happy. We all know that no one treats [daughter] like Cinderella and that she eats better here than she ever did at your home (or at Chik a Fila/Panera Break/McDonalds.) We all know that [daughter] adores her siblings, especially her older brother who has helped [daughter] understand things, the way a child needs to, better than [Custodial Dad] or I could. We all know that you warped and twisted [daughter]'s statements to perpetrate a fraud on the social service agencies in order to get your daughter back.
What you may not know is that:
We are the ones who explains to [daughter], that despite your behavior, you still love her.
We are the ones to explain, that no, I have never behaved in the manner you are behaving in but she shouldn't be angry with you.
We are the ones who sit with her at Dr [therapist]'s office while she's upset because she thinks YOU are having a hard time coping.
We are the ones who explain that you don't mean to RUB IT IN when you are telling an 8 year old girl you are having playdates with HER friends.
We are the ones who had to console a crying [daughter] when she realized that your allegations would mean ALL the children would have to go to foster care including her newborn/breastfed baby sister.
We are the ones who tell [daughter] that its ok to love ALL of us.
We are the ones who take her to the dentist after severe dental neglect.
We are the ones to take her to a therapist because she WRONGLY assumed her father abandoned her.
We are the ones who have to explain that yes I am her Step Mother and no, I am not going anywhere like the many men that have come and gone from [daughter]'s life.
We are the ones who have to explain why when I ask if she received anything I sent to her in [other state] and she says no, that "maybe it was lost in the mail."
We are the ones who sat with her as she cried and said you wanted her to lie about her brother and father.
We are the ones who listen to her laughing and playing with her siblings.
We are the ones to ensure she is HOME with family and not this one and that one so that "Mommy can study."
We are the ones to explain to [daughter] that your "not eating" and your constant "sadness" has nothing to do with her.
We are the ones to explain that she can be happy despite YOUR obvious misery with the situation.
We are the ones to explain that its ok that she wants to be here instead of in [other state].
We are the ones to explain that wanting to go back and visit [other state] is a very good thing.
We are the ones who listen to stories about [daughter]'s life with you in horror as your behavior was never normal.
We are the ones who buy her things that were the same she had at home because you refuse to let her have ANY of her personal cherished possessions.
We are the ones to have to explain why YOU are sleeping with her Beary Bear instead of giving it to her, as the child who wants her stuffed animal.
We are the ones who make sure she emails you pictures of herself.
We are the ones who have to explain why you refused to allow her to have her items back that she had with her this summer.
We are the ones to let her know its okay to love BOTH her mother AND father without feeling like she's letting you down.
We are the ones who ensures you are properly informed of the on goings at school.
We are the ones who spends nights at HOME with our children and not out drinking or studying or whatever excuse you gave to the many different people that cared for [daughter].
We are the ones who ensures [daughter] has time to speak with you and do not play ridiculous games on the phone or [webcam].
We are the ones to encourage [daughter] to speak with you about anything despite her fear that you will use it against her.
We are the ones to explain Christianity since she has no clue what the religion is about.
We are the ones who show her videos of you and [Custodial Dad] so she could see that no, you weren't always this crazy and vindictive.
We are the ones to show her videos of the years we all missed but have presents for her under the tree year after year, easter baskets year after year and birthday presents for her, even with no hope of actually seeing her.
We are the ones that have to explain why she went YEARS without speaking to her father and yet if you go 24 hours, you call the police.
We are the ones who will do anything to protect her from your insanity including making sure you get the help you need.
[Daughter] is not stupid. She has witnessed more than you give her credit for while she was in [other state]. What she needs is for her mother to be healthy and sane. She needs to know that we ALL love her and want the best for her. She needs to know that her living here is not punishment to you but because this is, what it is. She needs to know true LOVE from her mother and not be debriefed on her diet and her activities implying that she is somehow being deprived or treated less than. She needs her mother to listen to what she is saying instead of trying to compile evidence. She needs you to separate how you feel about [Custodial Dad] from [Custodial Dad] and [daughter]'s relationship. She needs you to stop undermining her feelings for her family because you can't process or understand normalcy.
To be honest, I want to scream and yell at you. I want to tell you that you are a stupid bitch for calling children and youth. I want to call you a ton of other bad names for the stupid crap you put my family through for the last few weeks. But I can't. In reality all I feel is sorry for you and I hope you get help to either process this as a rational adult or medication to better control your "paranoia and delusion."
You clearly have an issue seeing things as you want them to be. Maybe someone else can better explain my letter to you. Maybe someone in your life can make you see how harmful and destructive you are becoming. I know that neither I or my husband can because you see us as enemies. I am not your enemy, I am simply a mother who wants the best for my children including [daughter]. I know that your lawyers can't because you will simply fire them if you don't agree but I want you to get help. I hope that you get help.
Storming out of mediation because it was requested that you find someone to evaluate your behavior is clear that you are not yet willing to do anything to allow [daughter] a chance to have a healthy, normal relationship with anyone besides yourself. [daughter] is so happy here. I wish you'd see that; I wish you'd hear the true happiness in your voice instead of convincing yourself she is drugged. I wish you'd listen to her stories about what she is doing instead of assuming she is lying. I wish you'd read her emails and show her that its ok to want to be here. I wish you'd show her that as her mother, you can be happy for her despite it not being what you want. But clearly, you and I are not at all alike.
She loves her father so much. She and I are getting closer each day. She adores her brothers and sisters. This is what your little girl needs, she needed a family full of love, devotion and happiness and she has one (including you.) Why are you trying so hard to screw that up?
And now that I wasted 15 minutes of my life on this, I hope you heed my advise this time.
[Step Mother]
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