[The Ex] [last name] <[the ex email]@[email].com>
Wed, Jul 30, 2008 at 1:12 PM
To: [Custodial dad email]@[email].com, [Custodial Dad’s home email]@[email].com
Hi, [Custodial Dad].
I have tried to satisfied your requests in this email. I hope you will send your authorization to Ms. [therapist in other state] ASAP.
Thanks for your responses, [Custodial Dad] and [Step Mother]. I appreciate the focused messages you sent yesterday.
Let’s begin with my understanding at this juncture:
My responses to your questions are indicated by highlight, as promised.
I have color coded text in table format to enable an easy read.
Hope this helps us go forward.
What [The Ex] understands from [Custodial Dad]’s communications.
[The Ex]’s Response
1. [Custodial Dad], I understand that you want answers to these questions in order to authorize Ms. [therapist in other state] to function as supervisor and family/ child counselor for your contact with [daughter].
2. [Custodial Dad], I understand that you are aware that without your authorization, I cannot access this specific professional, clinical assistance to advance our family situation.
3. I understand that you are requesting:
a. unrestricted access to [daughter]’s medical/dental/school records:
b. unrestricted access to [daughter] via telephone and allow her to phone at her convenience.
c. Knowing exactly where my daughter resides and not a mailing address
c. the ability to co-parent [daughter] WITH you... as I am her father, I think I should be allowed into the decisions of her well being and caring.
d. the ability to have [daughter] get to know her siblings personally and the allowance to have her visit her home and family in [home state].
[The Ex]’s Answer: Issue of relevance:
I am unaware of how the above request for information precludes authorizing intervention of a licensed professional to address [daughter]’s issues with communication and our roles to assist in her success.
In fact, I can only see progress and resolutions arise out of professional assistance to complement my encouragement and integration of “family” talk” which includes all of our [last name] family members.
4. [Custodial Dad], I understand that you have made the following statements and have the following concerns:
A. You were unaware that you or anyone else was supervising
webcam and/or telephone contact.
B. You do not understanding where this therapy session is going and what the directives are in regard to [daughter].
C. You want to understand if working with Ms. [therapist in other state] will aid in my ([The Ex]’s) transition to allowing less restricted contact between [daughter] and [Custodial Dad].
1. Specifically, you assert that the “supervision clause” is in its final stages
and that we need to work to removing these legal protections.
D. I understand that you are willing to authorize therapy for [daughter].
I understand that you are not willing to authorize Ms. [therapist in other state]
to supervise your contact with [daughter].
[The Ex]’s response: Issue of unsuccessful attempts to continue father-daughter contact without professional assistance/guidance.
I am trying to establish a resource for [daughter] and all of us to be a successfully, functional family.
The sessions with Ms. [therapist in other state] are to allow for professional, qualified supervision of your remote contact with [daughter].
The format is consistent with the [visitation site]’s role in supervision of your in-person visit with [daughter] in [town in other state] in February of 2008.
The difference is that you will be on the phone or on the web with [daughter] as opposed to physically being present in the same room with [daughter]; hence, termed remote contact.
The added benefit of Ms. [therapist in other state] is that she will work with us as a family in transition to help us make progress in parenting and contact.
Specifically, I am confident that her knowledge and experience will complement the work I do with [daughter] to make your contact with her successful and joyfuX
I am specifically interested in Ms. [therapist in other state]’s assessment of [daughter]’s needs.
I hope for us to work with Ms. [therapist in other state] to develop age-appropriate “tool kits” to continue beneficial work for [daughter]’s long-term success as an individual and progress in her articulation with all her family.
5. Re: Parenting IM Communication
To establish formal, regular parent-to-parent communication,
I understand that you are willing to IM.
I have looked at our availability in a timetable format with the highlighted schedule you’ve communicated below.
A. From your message on June 20, 2008,
I understand that you are available to IM immediately, most nights after 9 pm.
I understand that you are not available Thursday evenings for IM.
B. From your message on June 30, 2008,
I understand that you can IM for 20 minutes to a half hour prior to the Sunday Webcam schedule to cover all “parental communications,”
I understand that you are not available on Thursday evenings for any communication.
I do not understand that you have a commitment or lack of IM access in the 4:00-5:30 AM window.
C. From your message on July 1, 2008,
I understand:
You do NOT have IM ability on your work computer.
You do have IM ability at home.
You are not available in the daytime to IM.
You are available Sundays before web cam sessions.
To date, your schedule is unchanged.
[The Ex]’s response to set time ASAP for IM Parenting Communication:
I am ready to set up weekly sessions with you on weekdays between 4:00 AM and 5:30 AM.
I have not yet recieved your response on my repeated offer to IM in this window.
It appears to be the best option to have uninterrupted IM sessions that can be integrated into our work and family lives at this time.
In fact, it is the only option for which neither of us have indicated conflicting obligations.
I am ready to begin these IM parenting communication sessions immediately,
as I previously stated.
Please, let me know when we can start.
Thanks for your continued considerations, [Custodial Dad] and [Step Mother].
Kindly,
[The Ex] [last name]
July 30th, 2008
[Custodial Dad] [last name] <[Custodial dad email]@[email].com>
Wed, Jul 30, 2008 at 2:22 PM
To: [The Ex] [last name] <[the ex email]@[email].com>
Bcc: [Step Mother] <[Step Mother’s email]@[email].com>
[The Ex];
I will respond here again, but for the record [The Ex], it seems to me that you do NOT read any e-mail I have initiated to you and you must only glance at my responses to your e-mails.
To be clear, AGAIN, I am not available during the daytime, including your early morning window. Period. I can not be more clear that there is NO time during the day including morning hours to achieve the IM session that you require. I think the fact that I stated I was NOT available should have been indicative enough that I am simply UNAVAILABLE except for evening hours (with the exclusion of Thursdays where I am completely unavailable.). Since I am not yet involved in [daughter]’s life, it is a one-sided update and can be achieved through email, postal mail or the website in which my attorney suggested to yours. I have requested a basic material update of [daughter] fairly consistently since 2004 and recently through your attorney, that you have failed to acknowledge and provide. This of course has nothing to do with the current questions regarding a therapy session with Ms. [therapist in other state].
I am 100% in support of having a neutral third party intervene where it is obvious you are failing at encouraging the most basic of contact between [daughter] and I. I am interested in the assessment of [daughter], as I have no idea where emotionally or developmentally our daughter is presently at due to your (non court ordered) present restrictions.
Let’s be clear, the imposition of phone supervision is YOUR request, not ordered nor condoned by any court of law which is why you will not find a therapist to intervene without my express consent... The imposition of supervised contact is something that I was “encouraged” to sign based on YOUR attorney and not based on any standard of procedure as I was lead to believe. The ONLY reason I agreed to supervised contact with [daughter] this past February was due to the fact that it was THREE YEARS in passing in which I saw her last. In no way am I agreeing to such stipulations going forward with the knowledge that supervised contact between [daughter] and I will soon be a thing of the past. At this juncture, I am willing to wait and will not subject any of us to such a visit again. Again, like I stated to Ms. [therapist in other state]: I will NOT agree to supervised contact with [daughter]... I will agree to assist [daughter] in getting help in transitioning her home life to include myself and her siblings.
To understand your position, you will no longer encourage nor mandate contact with [daughter] unless I agree to restricted access to [daughter]? (sign away my parental rights??!!?)
Going forward, is determined on how you wish to precede. So again, my questions that remain unanswered are:
A. Are you presently supervising phone contact??
B. Is your position, that this therapy session will encourage you to drop YOUR required supervision going forward? (Based on Ms. [therapist in other state]’s recommendations of course.)
C. What are YOUR current reasons behind such supervision when not expressly agreed upon by anyone but yourself?
D. Where are you lacking in encouraging [daughter] to call (and be polite) when speaking with me directly?
As I have stated you (as has [Step Mother]) in that we are in your shoes with her son yet we are able to encourage contact as his parents. I would understand if this reluctance was based on the fact that I have only seen her once in four years, but in all of my current dealings with [daughter] contact has been nothing but pleasant. This apparent change is drastic and sudden and concurrent with the webcam re-scheduling that began July 4th Week.
While you have made certain assertions, my questions have yet to be answered. I can not be more clear and it seems as though something is getting lost in translation.
[Custodial Dad]
[Quoted text hidden]
--
[Custodial Dad] X [last name]
[XXX]-[xxx]-0185
[Custodial dad email]@[email].com
~ Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art.
* Tom Stoppard ~
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