[The Ex] [last name] <[the ex email]@[email].com>
Mon, Aug 10, 2009 at 11:07 PM
To: [Custodial Dad’s home email]@[email].com, [Custodial dad email]@[email].com
Cc: [the ex email]@[email].com
Dear, [Custodial Dad] and [Step Mother]
As [daughter]’s mother, I am hear by informing you that I am gravely concerned because of the drastic and uncharacteristic degree of of our child’s emotional and psychological condition as evidence from her last phone call on Sunday August 9th, the web cam tonight August 10th, and your decision to withhold [daughter]’s phone web contact with me in the last three days. Specifically I am responding immediately with my mandated parental responsibility to insure that [daughter] is comfortable and safe, both psychologically and physically. I am sure you would both do the same given the same situation. [Step Mother] and [Custodial Dad] you have both refused to web cam with me as a parental team on this matter tonight as i offered on my session with [daughter]. You both have also verbally and via text refused to communicate with me this evening after abruptly removing [daughter] from the web cam session. You specifically asked me no to call you. [Custodial Dad], you directly stated on the phone that you are declining my call after you shut of the web cam while [daughter] was crying. The last image I saw and heard of [daughter] was of a disturbed and distressed little girl who was begging and pleading with me to come home, distraught. She said “no more daddy”. Something seems terribly wrong. I am obligated to [daughter] to urgently secure her welfare how would you like to approach this issue with me.
My kind regards [The Ex] [last name]
Hi [The Ex]:
I sat down with both [daughter] and [Custodial Dad] and I also had time to think. I wanted to address this evenings fiasco.
I think where [Custodial Dad] and myself became frustrated is because you had [daughter] go to her room to secretly tell her to pack her things because her Grandmother was coming for her this evening. That is wrong on many levels. Despite the past history and orders, you are no longer [daughter]’s sole guardian. You and [Custodial Dad] are BOTH parents to [daughter]. A child should never be in the midst of adults attempting to hash out a situation. Your attempt to alter the schedule should have been discussed between you and [Custodial Dad] prior to involving [daughter]. In addition, there needed to be a discussion minus threats and accusations without demands.
I think it was unreasonable to demand we deliver [daughter] to her Grandmother practically immediately. All children, including [daughter] need transition. What you did was not only unfair but cruel to [daughter]. I am sure that wasn’t your intention but [daughter] was hurt by your actions. She and I had a long talk about the evening and she felt like she had to choose between her Grandmother and her father. I think if broached with ample time and true discussion, this decision could have been worked out to everyone’s satisfaction without involving [Custodial Dad’s other state lawyer] and [Ex’s second other state lawyer], yet again.
As I stated to you, your mother has had the privilege of being in [daughter]’s life for the five years you made [daughter] ‘unavailable’ to [Custodial Dad] and her family. That being here nor there, you requested she spend additional time here for whatever your motivation was. We agreed to the time table you provided and we altered work schedule, appointments and our lives to accommodate [daughter] despite the ever changing and evolving schedule. Just to note, you changed the timing seven times between the 26th through the 31st. I appreciate your mothers predicament however, you do not appreciate ours.
I think your attorney can best explain this to you... you should never put [daughter] in a position to decide where she wants to go or with whom. Those decisions are best left up to the parents and in many custody orders, it is actually stated that parents are NOT to involve children in decision making process, especially a fragile 7 year old who is really torn right now.
I hope you have a safe flight if you are indeed flying up to give [daughter] a hug tomorrow.
[Step Mother]
On Fri, Jul 31, 2009 at 1:52 AM, [The Ex] [last name] <[the ex email]@[email].com> wrote:
Greetings, Momma [spelled incorrectly Step Mother] and Dad.
Thanks for taking the time to speak with me in the past week to make these arrangements. [daughter] looks forward to your time together:)
I am glad to see that we can make the kids happy.
[spelled incorrectly Step Mother], I will see you whenever you can get here around noon. I think you will enjoy the practicality of the clubhouse, etc. after such a long ride with the kids. Thanks for considering.
Thanks to both of you for doing pick-up and drop-off.
My Mom will be here for [daughter]’s return. By noon on August 12th is fine...or ten AM may be on the paperwork.
We can talk on the 11th and see what is going ot work for drop-off time around late AM to noon.
Address:
[third state address] Street
[town in third state], [THIRD STATE
(Within gated community of [community] of [town in third state] off of Rt XXX)
We will call you into the gate.
Must show ID to guards.
Make left immediately after entry... think it is [street in third state]t.
Welcome to call my phone when you are close or in development.
Pull up at end in front of clubhouse where you see tennis courts. Or, you can park- as you see fit.
[daughter] and I will be happy to stand outside and help unload the little ones. :)
We will be inside awaiting your arrival at pool a joining clubhouse- external entry is left gate by courts.
Welcome to stay as long as your schedule allows.
Warmest Regards,
[The Ex] [last name]
[XXX]. [xxx]. 4244
[Custodial Dad] and [Step Mother] [last name] <[Custodial Dad’s home email]@[email].com> Mon, Aug 10, 2009 at 11:44 PM
To: [The Ex] [last name] <[the ex email]@[email].com>
Cc: [Custodial dad email]@[email].com
[The Ex]:
There is no grave concerns with [daughter]. There is a little girl who is homesick. She had no idea that Wednesday she was going to be with her Grandmother, we failed with keeping her in the loop due to your fluctuating schedule.
Her emotional and psychological condition are just fine. Pictures, videos and personal testimony to account for that. She is having a good time.
We refused the flurry of calls/texts because ALL of the children where upset and you are the least of our worries. [daughter] came upstairs and sat with me for some time and her father tucked her in. [sibling] even went in to talk her about “stuff.” We handled it very well on our end. You, however, are not handling this well on your end. You are overreacting and playing to some imagined audience. Your behavior this evening escalated a home sick girl to tears. I reviewed with [daughter] why she was crying... its nothing more than being home sick. All normal development that you are clearly blowing out of proportion.
In regards to her tooth. She stated unequivocally that she had “two bumps” on her front tooth that “felt weird.” I asked if I should take her to the dentist and she said yes. A quick check by our dentist was all. No work was going to be performed and we had every intention of following up with you. She is now saying that it doesn’t feel “that weird.” If you are uncomfortable with her being seen by our dentist, just say so. After all of this, I most certainly would not be offended.
[daughter] again, will call you in the morning. She is comfortable enough to discuss her issues, how homesick she is and how much she misses you.
I texted you on both numbers, I phoned you on cell and via [webcam software]. I will be up for a little while if you care to chat. If not, [daughter] will talk to you in the am.
[Step Mother]
[Quoted text hidden]
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