[The Ex] [last name] <[the ex email]@[email].com>
Wed, Aug 18, 2010 at 11:17 PM
To: [Custodial Dad] and [Step Mother] [last name] <[Custodial Dad’s home email]@[email].com>
Cc: [Custodial dad email]@[email].com
Bonding time:
What kind of bonding time?
what time blocks do you require of [daughter] for this a week/ month?
Ask [daughter] her “wish “ to call?
You have numbers - You FAIL to make calls.
Why didn’t you ever call [other state friend] and [other state friend] back? They called. you had thier numbers.
Why does as phone call from a kid need to be so strictly managed?
The kids will call [daughter]. When they call, you know they want to talk to her. You will have their numbers, as you did [other state friend]’s and [other state friend]’s. Let’s see how joyful you can really be for [daughter]’s social development.
Parental efforts for Social Development:
What have you done to promote ‘making new friends”- or keeping old ones, in fact?
You stated below: “Until she is able to establish friendships of her own”- really?
Do you believe she is having difficulty in this area due to her ABILITY? PLEASE respond.
Father and Wife’s Adult friends to socialize child:
So you are trying to share your friends with [daughter]?
Clear. no response needed. And their kids. Got it.
That’s enough. Thanks.
Ah, the Dr.[home town therapist] EXCUSE/ SCAPEGOAT.
As you have asked me to do? Where? Send the email- letter whatever... Mom’s fault and [home town therapist]’s fault - of course... NOT....Golly gee - you seem to never take responsiblility for anything.
I am not responisble to keep you in compliance with the order. You are. You. Not me.
You alledge that he has OVERRIDDEN the judge’s order and so ITS NOT YOUR FAULT that you are in CONTEMPT of COURT? Ah, hum. Looks like he’ll have to defend himself from allegations of “accessory” - is that what it might be?
Surely, you’ll be on the chopping block in court alone on that one... [home town therapist] is not gonna get in trouble for your disregard of Judge [Other State Judge]. Gee-
If the Honorable [Other State Judge] wanted to have a psychologist tell him what the “appropriate contact should be” the JUDGE would have asked [home town therapist]! They know when to consult each other.
You broke the law. YOU’re DONE on that [Custodial Dad] [last name]. Done.
And you will pay for my attorney and court time.YEP.Your Done.
No Phone in own bedroom? or
No phone CALL in own bedroom?
And do you mean a child is not allowed to TAKE a telephone INTO her bedroom to talk on it?
I never asked you to install one in there. Gee.
Disturbing response.
Disturbing that you threaten to reprimand my Sweet Little Daughter when I ask for YOU to make her environment conducive to call
Reprimand [daughter]? For [sibling]-not his fault- and your whole family making noise in the background? How do you think reprimanding [daughter] addresses your responsibility to provide her with the accomodations and equiptment to have a meaningful phone or [webcam software] contact with Mom?
How is it [daughter]’s fault?
How is it the child’s issue to bear?
Benign “quote”
Furthermore, do you really think that my words relieve you of the responsibility to facilitate and promote contact that is undisturbed for [daughter]? Really?
Your Inadequate “Contact” schedule for sharing [daughter]’s time
Do you really think that a once monthly phone call is ALL that you can do? My parents will come to [home town]. So will I. My parents and I will fly her for visits.
That is your time offer?
Poor, poor show.
What responisbility do you have to this child to make sure she sees her friends and family?
Who do you think is required to make SURE she gets time with us all?
Please respond. If you think we are responisble, let us know. We will be happy to make that happen. Offer us the time. We will make it happen.
And Mom’s time for [daughter] to have? Going once- twice... again?
Thanks.
From: [Custodial Dad] and [Step Mother] [last name] <[Custodial Dad’s home email]@[email].com>
To: [The Ex] [last name] <[the ex email]@[email].com>
Sent: Wed, August 18, 2010 9:12:44 PM
Subject: Re: Please start Contact for [daughter] with Friends and Family
As stated to you previously - please provide me with the phone numbers for [daughter]’s friends and I will ensure she calls them at her wish. I am uncomfortable with having random people calling my home however, with notice and planning on my part, I am sure it is possible. Also, please provide them with [daughter]’s email and/or [webcam software] address and she will be happy to return the email. Feel free to give me the contact information and I will be happy to arrange contact for [daughter] and her friends.
[daughter], is of course, to allowed to have play dates with families that either my wife and I meet or that we know, which of course is similar to the arrangements I am sure you had while [daughter] was in [other state]. I don’t think any responsible parent would allow their child to go with just anyone.
[daughter] has had more than one play date and definitely with more than with her 11 and 5 year old friends. And while the mother is [Step Mother]’s friend, your daughter called [friends in home state] her “best friend.” She has attended multiple parties, play dates and events from classmates to family to friends of [Step Mother]’s to friends of her siblings to friends of mine to friends of the family etc. We do a considerable a lot together as a family for bonding time however, we have a wide circle of friends and family included in social time for [daughter] until she is able to establish friendships on her own.
[daughter] is scheduled to call her grandparents and aunt once a month however, she may call and email them at her whim as I have stated to you
As I have asked you to do so, I spoke with Dr. [home town therapist] at length about the contact being every day which he has agreed to. The schedule will be every day phone call and every Sunday [webcam software] at 7 pm. An hour phone call is not always possible with activities, schedules and events. The end time, unless we start excessively late, is 8 pm as it gives her 30 minutes of age appropriate TV, time to shower and the read in bed. I will remind you also, the order dictates calls prior to 8 pm.
I will also direct you to the email dated July 27th when I stated that I would correct [daughter]’s behavior and you stated it was “unnecessary” and there was no need for a “summit.” Here is your direct quote:
Please, Dad. No need for a Summit
I will be happy to correct [daughter], if that is your wish currently but children are not allowed to have telephones in the bedrooms, she has other options as she is well aware and I believe utilized this evening.
I will also ask again that you refrain from texting and calling past 8 pm as you have done so every night this week.
[Custodial Dad] [last name] and [Step Mother] [last name] - [last name]
[sibling] • [daughter] • [sibling] • [sibling] • [sibling] • [sibling]
[Custodial Dad’s home email]@[email].com
([XXX]) [XXX] - 6052
On Aug 18, 2010, at 3:06 PM, [The Ex] [last name] wrote:
[Custodial Dad]:
You have a very significant responsibility to [daughter] X to provide access to her friends and family, including me.
Granny wants to have her from Friday next week through sunday evening. she is planning events wth [daughter] as [daughter] stated her desire to have time with Granny, which you ignored and refused for five months since you have had [daughter].
Granny also wants at least two weekends, and extended weekends when available with school schedule to see [daughter] and take her to Aunt [The Ex's Sister] dn her cousin, [daughter’s cousin].
What is your schedule offerto share [daughter]’s time with her Granny?
Grand-dad wants to have time with [daughter] on his visits to [home state] when he goes on business.
He will be up there on the last weekend of August and in early September, to extend to the first weekend in September.
What is your schedule offer to share [daughter]’s time with her Grand-Dad?
Aunt [The Ex's Sister] wants to get [daughter] for weekend, at least once before October.
Waht is your time offer to share [daughter]’s time with her Aunt and her cousin?
[other state friend] and [other state friend] want to be able to call [daughter] on the phone.
What is the phone call offer to share [daughter]’s time with [other state friend] and [other state friend], daily playments?
[friends in other state] wants to be able to call [daughter] on the phone.
What is the phone call offer to share [daughter]’s time with [friends in other state], friend since Age 5?
[friends in other state] wants to be able to call [daughter] on the phone.
What is the phone call offer to share [daughter]’s time with [friends in other state], friend since Age 4?
Gabby wants to be able to call [daughter] on the phone.
What is the phone call offer to share [daughter]’s time with her close clasemate, Gabby?
Aunt [The Ex's Sister], granny, and Grand-Dad want to be able to call [daughter] on the phone.
What is the phone call offer to share [daughter]’s time with her Mom’s family?
Additionally, many friends from [home town] have seen [daughter] and [daughter] has stated she was approached by kids and their parents for playdates since she arrived in your house BUT NO folow-up was made and you DID NOT take her to see anyone to play or go over their homes, though the Dad/Mom invited you. WHY? That is the biggest part of my time as a parent when it comes to socializing [daughter], as is appropriate for her age group.
In fact, it ssems that [daughter] is ONLYplaying with a 5 year old and an 11 year old INFREQUENTLY because the MOTHER IS [SPELLED INCORRECTLY STEP MOTHER]’s FRIEND? How is this possible?
I am supposed to get daily calls. I don’t get them. I am supposed to be able to call and reach [daughter]. I can’t reach her- or ANYONE, in fact.
It is normal for people to call each other. it is normal for children to be able to call their friends. Unless you write back and say that no one can call [daughter], I will give our her contact numbers through your phone lines so her friends can reach her.
You will be getting mail for [daughter] from her friends. Please make sure she gets it and enjoys her contact with her peer group in [other state] and [home town].
That seems like a good start to keep [daughter] connected!
Parents talked to me about trying to reach [daughter]. it was sad to hear how they and their children’s ONE call was treated by you. i also never understood why they could not call So i write thi to give you an opportunity to open communication for [daughter] and her friends, their parents, who she has spent her life with as family friends, and with her Mom’s family and - my goodness- let’s imrpove the illegal practices of failing to call Mom or allowing for enough time to talk with Mom. Especially, let’s see you put an end to CUTTING teh CALL OFF when the child is still sharing about her day.
Also, please have a comfortable space in her room prepared so she can talk to Mom. The noise level in the background is often extraordinary and cannot be condusive to [daughter] having a fair opporttunity to communicate.
I have no evidence that you intend to improve [daughter]’s visitation time, with anyone.
Please show me actions that show respect for this child’s contact with others.
God Bless.
[The Ex] [last name]
From: [Custodial Dad] and [Step Mother] [last name] <[Custodial Dad’s home email]@[email].com>
Cc: [The Ex] [last name] <[the ex email]@[email].com>
Sent: Thu, August 12, 2010 4:34:15 PM
Subject: Re: [daughter]’s left ankle and foort are still swollen from her reports last night
Spoke with [town in home state] Pediatricians:
It is not suggested we take [daughter] to urgent care or emergency room for her foot nor her sore throat.
For her foot:
Soak it in warm water, keep it elevated. Have her rest her foot.
If its itchy, you can apply a hydrocortisone cream for three days only. Do not apply it longer than three days.
Otherwise, you can give her benedryl per her weight. I just googled the dosage, feel free t do the same:
http://www.jaxpediatrics.com/forms/benadryXpdf
If it is not better in three days, we need to bring her in. By that time table, she will be home and I can take her straight to the pediatrician’s office as they keep Sunday hours.
As for her throat:
I mentioned my concerns that she had an abundance of sore throats last fall according to her records and that I personally witnessed [The Ex’s Current Husband] smoking and that [daughter] mentioned you smoked all circa that time. It was suggested to have all parties refrain from smoking near, around and in the presence of [daughter]. It was also suggested for the party to change their clothing and wash their hands after each cigarette to reduce the effects of second hand smoke.
Her throat could also be the result of allergies and the drastic change in climate from [home state] to [other state]. Or she simply could have a cold but being that it is so considerably mild, treatment doesn’t appear to be necessary. Rest and plenty of fluids was suggested. Warm liquids like tea, she mentioned I think her Grandmother or Grandfather making her rose tea that she likes, maybe they can make some for her. Also, if she is ill maybe not allowing her to stay out past 10 pm would be a good option. If her throat is uncomfortable, you can give her tylenol (http://www.jaxpediatrics.com/forms/TylenoXpdf) but I would prefer we not give her so many OTC medications at once.
Just to note, our pediatrician prefers we not bring our children in to see them at every sniffle. Studies have shown that going into the pediatricians office too often actually causes more harm than good in contracting virus and bacteria. We have never missed a visit that required a doctors care. And from my observations as a father, none of this warranted such an urgent response which was confirmed by the offices I spoke with today and yesterday. Thank you for keeping me informed but please - In the event of an emergency, because of the sudden abundance of texts and emails, call me directly.
[Step Mother] said that [daughter] sounded well and in good spirits. She didn’t sound as if she was in any discomfort and was quite ccheerful. Glad to hear that.
X
Sent from my iPhone
On Aug 12, 2010, at 2:42 PM, [Custodial Dad] and [Step Mother] [last name] wrote:
Did not refuse texts, refused to receive 45 texts that late at night. In the event of an emergency, please do not hesitate to call me directly.
Sent from my iPhone
On Aug 12, 2010, at 1:34 PM, [The Ex] [last name] wrote:
[Custodial Dad]:
You refused text on this topic, so I’m emailing you to notify you that [daughter]’s left ankle and foot are swollen, doen to her toes. [daughter] stated foot hurts. She is playing with paper flowers. She ate already today.
I did the warm compress and calamine lotion as you advised last evening. No improvement.
What do you want me to do now? Please let me know. I’d like her to be comfortable.
[The Ex]
[Custodial Dad] and [Step Mother] [last name] <[Custodial Dad’s home email]@[email].com> Wed, Aug 18, 2010 at 11:48 PM
To: [The Ex] [last name] <[the ex email]@[email].com>
Your email is not clear and where it is, its redundant.
My rules for my home will not be spelled out (again) for you. I am sorry you are having an issue understanding what I am trying to say.
I no longer have [other state friend] and [other state friend]’s phone number They called and spoke with [daughter] once. I did not save the phone number nor do I have it in my possession. Why does a call need to be so strictly managed? It is my personal information... please show where once, before ordered by the judge, that you gave me, [daughter]’s FATHER, her address or home phone number. Please explain why everyone needs to respect your request for privacy yet mine is being ignored?
No one is saying [daughter] is socializing with our “adult friends”... remember my objection to [daughter] staying in a childless couples home and specifically “cuddling in their bed?” My wife and I have friends with children who are fortunately either friends with [sibling] or [daughter] or one of the other children and typically they are around one of more of the children’s ages. We have many incarnations of friends, with and without children, that visit with us and we visit with them. Where you understood that she only interacts with adults is beyond me?
[daughter] is having no trouble making friends at school or at summer camp as explained to you. Until we are able to meet parents, care givers, I do not allow my children to visit other people’s homes and we have not had that opportunity except for in relationships that were already established. And for the record... the friends (and it is MORE than just her “5 year old friend”) that [Step Mother] has set up with [daughter], those are friendships that [daughter]’s older and younger siblings established with their siblings being within age range close to [daughter] or similar interest. Because [Step Mother] and I became friends with their parents, should not be a penalty but a bonus. I think its wonderful that childhood friendships evolved into FAMILY friendships. With your not having other children, I’m sorry I can’t explain that better for you.
Check your emails and registered letters. Your memory is failing you as I have no less than every month, at least once asked you to contact Dr. [home town therapist]. He is not a scape goat but simply the professional that is guiding me as your effects on [daughter] have long and harrowing effects on her. You are obsessed with money [The Ex]. I will not be paying your court costs, not very likely. Sorry. Your costs are being incurred by your inability to be human and my attempts to co-parent with you, despite no legal obligation to do so, are being frustrated and thrown in my face. You sorely have no real clue about what will occur and what has occurred. The games you are playing are transparent and are games that the courts have witnessed for years and have no tolerances for. You can’t understand how predictable and conspicuous your attempts are.
No, none of my children whom are all very young, are allowed to speak on the phone in their bedroom. Period. I do not need to explain that further.
Please clarify where I am doing even remotely similar to behavior that you enacted from 2005 - 2010. Even closely... please explain the steps you took to ensure I spoke to [daughter] even more than once a year in certain years and my frustrated attempts to learn her school, address, ANY information.. or contact extended to me and my family. Please clarify how you made any effort for me to even see a photo of my daughter over that time period. I am following the court order, I maintain that I am in accordance with the order with the help of a qualified therapist and attorney.
[daughter]’s “reprimand” was a one sentence: “Hey guys can you give each other privacy and if you are on the phone, go into the kitchen or the office and not watch TV.” And the sum of the family is upstairs and in showers at that time frame.... as explained to you before.
By the way, how was [daughter]’s “visit” with her Grandparents in the “[community] home” the past two weeks?
[Custodial Dad] [last name] and [Step Mother] [last name] - [last name]
[sibling] • [daughter] • [sibling] • [sibling] • [sibling] • [sibling]
[Custodial Dad’s home email]@[email].com
([XXX]) [XXX] - 6052
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